J. R. 1884-1917

hey J.,

being you is important.  i know some stupid stuff happened, but it isn’t your fault.  i’m glad you’re all still friends and i get that it was weird and one-sided, but everyone gets lonely and you’re a friendly person.  i know there was someone like you that i once liked, albeit for a very short time, just because i was lonely.  we’re super good friends now, especially since i figured out that you can have fulfilling relationships that aren’t romantic and most of the time those are the best.  the same will happen with you all.  but don’t worry about being friendly.

everything is working out now and i’m glad.  i talked with L. a lot and he’s all good.  it was a learning experience for him so thank you for being careful in your interactions with him.  i don’t think he was as prepared to process with everything as perhaps he thought he was.  but he’s a smart guy.  he’ll be fine.

i was thinking about hospitality the other day.  we don’t use that word much anymore.  i can’t think of a single time where i’ve called someone hospitable.  but it’s still so important.  the ability to make someone feel welcome is so often undervalued or ignored.  i just keep trying to recall any time i’ve heard people talk about hospitality.  maybe in some sermons it’s been mentioned as an offhanded comment.  people don’t take in strangers because there aren’t really strangers to take in.  not if you just go to the same places and see the same people.

hospitality didn’t cease to exist though.  it just looks different.  you definitely are able to make people feel part of a group and welcomed and it’s really cool to see.  all the confusion arose when people misinterpret hospitality because they aren’t ever exposed to it.  it’s easy to love people you want to love you.  it’s hard to love people you hate.  but loving people you don’t know is, well, different.  if you take nothing away from this and my writing is too twisted and convoluted to really make sense as i ramble on, i hope you don’t lose the hospitality that makes you, you, just because a couple people mistook it for interest.

i guess there’s something to be said for wisdom and discernment, but when i see you interact with others, i don’t think that’s the case.  i know when something weird happens, we automatically assume the mature thing is to blame yourself and change something so it doesn’t happen again, and that looking to others is bad because we don’t change.  but sometimes you don’t need to change.  sometimes it really isn’t your fault.  sometimes all there is to take away is that people are stupid.

i think you felt like you led people on.  i get it.  and maybe you just need to learn how to perceive and discern the responses from all parties involved better.  but that’s not a character flaw and comes with time.  don’t stress yourself.  i know you’re getting involved in a lot of leadership stuff now with school.  focus on that.  a lot of kids are going to benefit a lot by being around you.  be confident that you’ve made good choices.  sometimes we have to be comfortable with doing good and the idea that it’s not always our fault.

affectionately yours.


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